the divine beauty in we…
I am beautiful.
Triggered? Good, me too. Let’s continue shall we? I am writing this today because it’s an intuitive tap that won’t let me rest. My connection with Spirit is getting stronger every day and I am learning to trust that when She calls, I must listen so here I am. Even as I type these words on the page I cringe thinking what people might say. How dare she call herself beautiful. Who does she think she is?! A war has been waged on the other side of the world and this is what she’s called to share?! Yet my vow for 2022 is to say yes and take a step so into the deep end we go.
I am beautiful. I remember the very first time I spoke those words to myself, it was my wedding day in 2006. I was 34 years old. My makeup artist had brilliantly achieved that finished yet not overdone look and my hair was pulled back into a low bun adorned with a gorgeous crystal comb. My dress was elegant with just enough sparkle, my favorite accessory a bouquet of burgundy peonies and black magic roses. For a woman who had never really imagined her wedding day, I understood that this was the intoxicating feeling brides dreamed of.
Fast forward to Feb 2022 and I am leading a heart centered self-love meditation with a hand mirror. Now ironically enough, for most of my life I avoided mirrors, except when preparing for a beat down. To stand naked with a figurative scalpel, ready to dissect each and every lump and bump. To find all the things not good enough with my appearance, more fuel to feed the raging fire of my unworthiness. I struggled with bulimia when I was younger and body dysmorphia still to this day. I’ve danced with my shadows long enough to know the routine and with less style and more grace have even managed to integrate a few while learning self compassion and the meaning of self love. Then, more recently than I would like to admit, I had a startling realization when noticing an affectionate couple in public. I began thinking of all the beautiful human beings in my life, some of them in deep loving relationships that I so admire. Then as if a giant curtain was torn open before me I realized, not one of these incredible individuals was an airbrushed picture from a magazine or some super filtered social media influencer. Yet all of them were pure magic in my eyes and those in romantic partnerships, adored each other completely. At that moment, I froze. Stunned. You mean I don’t have to be super fit nor ageless to be beautiful, to be worthy of epic love? I shamefully looked around to see if anyone had heard my thoughts. How had I come this far on the journey of self love and still be running this ragged old script?! One thing I’ve learned for sure is that when you ask the Universe for growth you best be ready to rumble. Earth school is always in session and the master teacher has a wicked sense of humor.
At the beginning of the year I started Mel Robbins’ High 5 Habit which is essentially to meet and greet yourself in the mirror first thing every morning with compassion, words of love and encouragement and a high five. I was skeptical for a while and slightly annoyed having to clean my oily palm print off the mirror each time, yet I was committed to the challenge. The other day I lingered a bit longer with my reflection, smiled at myself, noticed the glow of my skin, the sparkling blue of my eyes and thought wow, you’re beautiful…for 49. PAUSE (every time I read this I begin to cry). So now take a deep breath Michele and begin again. You are beautiful. Period. From the profound smile lines around your mouth, reminders of the joy you’ve been blessed with in your life, to the deep creases in your brow drawn by the pain and suffering you’ve survived. From the tips of your fingers to the tips of your toes. All of it. You are beautiful. Next thing I knew I was sobbing, heartbroken, realizing all the years I was blind to my own beauty, all of the valuable time lost in self abuse.
Years ago, a friend shared her mom's advice on aging, “enjoy it now my love, for you will never again be as beautiful as you are today”. Pause, deep breath. Now it’s been almost 4 years since I began my silver journey and there are still moments when I walk by a mirror and stop in shock to think, wow when did THAT happen?! And of course I still look back at pictures of my dark haired days to admire the image of the woman I once was. Yet beneath that same collagen rich skin I can still see my little girl just begging to be loved. To be completely honest, there is something about aging that brings great relief. There’s a sense of peace with it all, a graceful invitation to exit the matrix that in hindsight, is available at any age we choose. Today at 49 I finally want to be exactly me, unapologetic and unfiltered.
I am called to remind you that beauty is ALL of you, every fiber, every thread. Please don’t dismiss me with “that’s easy for you to say”, or “it must be nice” or whatever snarky statement our bodyguards toss about in an attempt to keep us safe and our self deprecating scripts running. The conditioning that has led us to believe that beauty can be measured by a scale or a calendar, by the amount of gray hair on our heads or number of creases in our skin is meant to keep us quiet and controlled. Let us not waste one more breath living inside their lies. You know them, the ones who feed us those toxic stories of beauty which we swallow whole, as our hearts wither and slowly starve. Mother Nature is our greatest teacher. Take this moment to embrace the winter crone in her mystical transformation, her twisted, frozen vines, dry and rotted leaves, her mushy uneven patches of grass. For within her soil is the Spring maiden, life bursting forth with potential and possibility. Mother Earth is the magical harmony of all things, all ways, always.
Right now and forever forward join me to celebrate the Divine beauty that is ALL of you, the Divine beauty that is all of me.
I love you. Just keep going xo
Michele